Eins, zwei, drei, vier

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-02-27T11:42:00

2005-02-27T16:43:08Z

New LJ:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/eternaldepth/

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-02-15T19:25:00

2005-02-16T00:30:51Z

Should Veronica pursue a relationship with Michael?

Michael:
Is hot
Is an existentialist and wonderful source of conversation
Thinks I'm hot
Is of similar taste in music
Parties (hell yes)
Listens to me

However,

Veronica:
Is emotionally vulnerable
Must still acquire phone number
Might want to be out of a relationship for a while

Decisions, decisions. Input?

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-02-15T19:10:00

2005-02-16T00:10:45Z

If you woke up, and I was in bed next to you, what would your first thought be?

(Now put this in your journal and see what mine would be...)

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-02-14T18:41:00

2005-02-14T23:45:36Z

1) YOUR PORN STAR NAME - (name of first pet + street you live on): Trouble Oldwyck

2) YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME - (grandmother's/father's first name + favorite snack): Karen Crackers

3) YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME - (first word you see on your left + favorite restaurant): Novels Royal India

4) YOUR FOREIGN NAME - (favorite spice girl + last foreign vacation spot): Posh Mexico

5) YOUR SOCIALITE NAME - (silliest childhood nickname + first town where you partied): Ronnie Raleigh

6) YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME - (first initial + first three letters of your last name): V-Rid

7) YOUR DETECTIVE NAME - (favorite animal + name of high school): Hedgehog Enloe

8) YOUR BARFLY NAME - (last snack food you ate + your favorite alcoholic drink): Saltine Margaritas

9) YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME - (middle name + street where you first lived): Selena Margo

10) YOUR ROCK STAR NAME - (favorite candy + favorite musicians last name): Lemonheads Stone

11) YOUR "POPULAR" NAME - (favorite celebrity's first name + best friend's street name): Angelina Person

12) YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME - (name of [opposite sex] friend + cell phone company you use): Peter Cingular

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-02-13T23:58:00

2005-02-14T05:20:56Z

Have decided to fast for a week. (Maybe more if I do okay. You can supposedly fast for four weeks if supplemented with juice.) Mainly to just get rehydrated, lower my stress levels, and kind of get in touch with myself. It will be nice to just have water and ice (and the occasional cup of unsweetened tea) for a week. I've heard it really helps mental clarity. My excuse is "If Ghandi could do it, why can't I?" Shut up, we have the same Myers-Briggs personality type..I can be like Ghandi if I want.

Though maybe I'm just being weird.

God damn it, why can't I sleep? Arg, I'm like fucking wide awake. I need to exercise more, then I'll be able to sleep.

To do (later): Exercise, fast, and lose weight*.

(*That's always on my list of things to do. I hate being a yo-yo-er. Especially when I don't eat bad food. Minus the ethnic food that's bad for me, that I don't eat too often anyways. Like Indian. Someone should go Indian-fooding with me when I'm done being a fasting person.)

Life, you suck.

Happy Valentines Day, fuckers.

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-02-13T16:56:00

2005-02-13T22:08:44Z

Thank god for full fat, full sugar Valentines day candies. Mom always pulls through with her little box of chocolates she gives every year. No matter how depressed I am, it seems to cheer me up. Just a little constant thing that I know will never change, unlike some things.

Though I think what I miss most about being little is those heart-shaped lollipops with the little messages on them that came off in one lick. I haven't had one of those for ages.

Valentines day is so about candy. Screw that love shit. I still wish I could spend Valentine's Day with a certain someone...or any day for that matter. Hopefully the chocolate can fill that void.

Now to be fat and content on the outside, lonely and insecure on the inside.

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-02-13T14:57:00

2005-02-13T19:58:00Z

For once, I'm sure Duncan is right.

To fill the void... (stolen from Jenn)

2005-02-13T02:59:50Z

1-WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Fuquay Varina y'all.

2-SEX OR ICE-CREAM
Cuddles.

WHAT COLOR UNDERPANTS ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?
Itsy bitsy teeny weenie black bikini

4-WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?
Pining? Or perhaps self-loathing.

5-WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU WENT OUT TO EAT WITH?
Duncan, Chrystal, that stoner dude.

6-IF U WERE A TOY, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
Mobius strip.

7-WHERE WOULD YOU WANT TO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON?
Anywhere warm, with a beach. Secluded and private for cuddles, but civilization nearby.

8-WHATS YOUR RING TONE?
Vibrate?

9-WHAT DO YOU THINK A TOBLERONE IS?
A chocolate bar that doesn't know it should be a bar.

10-WHAT R U WEARING RIGHT NOW?
My heart on my sleeve.

11-DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Yeah, and they're fucking killing my eyes

12-WHAT WAS THE BEST ADVICE EVER GIVEN TO YOU?
Let go and let God.

13-DO U OWN A VEHICLE?
Bike and my own two feet.

14-WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE PLANS?
One day at a time.

15-FAVOURITE FILM?
Sappy romances, probably Cherish. Or Totoro, cause I grew up with it.

16-LAST FILM YOU SAW AT CINEMA?
No clue

17 is missing, isn't it?

18-DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE?
Like nobody's looking.

19-ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK ANYONE OUT?
Unfortunately not.

20-DO YOU SLEEP NAKED?
I actually like to, because my sheets are really fucking soft.

21-KISSES OR HUGS?
Cuddles. Hugs can be impersonal, as kisses. Cuddles are really special to me, for some reason. I think I've only cuddled three people in my life.

Damn you woman, learn how to number.

24-WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
The one I'm feeling now.

Oh fuck the numbers.

28-HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU LET THE PHONE RING BEFORE YOU ANSWER IT?
Until caller ID tells me who's calling

29-ZODIAC SIGN?
Cancer. Great self esteem boost.

30-IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
Half full. Life is no fun for a pessimist or a cynic.

31- BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE??
Ass? It's a bit too big though. Probably my hair.

32-MILK- WHITE OR CHOCOLATE?
Skim.

33-DAY OR NIGHT?
Late night, 2 AMish.

34-SUMMER OR WINTER?
Both have advantages. Summer for frolicking, winter for fires and snuggles indoors. Or outdoors under a blanket shivering your ass off.

35-CAKE OR PIE?
Yes, damn it.

36-DIAMONDS OR PEARLS?
Diamonds are beautiful, but I think should be reserved for wedding rings and JLo. Too much takes the specialness out of them.

37-SUNRISE OR SUNSET
Sunset.

38-HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN A BONE
Is a heart a bone?

39-DO YOU HATE ANYONE?
Myself.

40-DO YOU BELIEVE IN FIGHTING?
For something you believe in. Hopefully peacefully, but if not- bring out the infantry.

41-WHO DO YOU TURN TO FOR ADVICE?
That little voice in my head that tells me what's right.

42-HAVE ONE SKILL IN LIFE WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Be good at what I love.

43-WHERE ARE YOUR FAVORITE PLACES TO SHOP?
Thrift stores, internet. Fredericks is lovely.

44-WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WEBSITE?
LJ

45-WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP.
Volcanologist. Yeah yeah, I'm a dork. So shoot me.

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-02-12T17:46:00

2005-02-12T22:48:07Z

Fuck you too, life.

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-02-11T16:46:00

2005-02-11T22:01:26Z

Et tu uterus? Et tu?

Not much really happened today. Aside from Newspaper, in which the editors bitched at each other for being too political. Annalee is totally PMSing.

But then Mrs. Krizmanich had me clap the erasers. That was an adventure. At first I leaned out the window to do it, but the cloud of chalk dust came back in. Then I went outside, but the wind kept changing so I had to keep dodging the cloud of bright green chalk dust (she uses sidewalk chalk). I'm sure I looked...special. I ended up getting it all over my black sweater though, despite my valiant efforts.

Rapid unplanned weight loss count: -2 since yesterday.

Ten pounds in four days. Yey..I guess?

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-02-10T23:10:00

2005-02-11T04:13:08Z

My favorite hobby does seem to be sabotaging my own happiness, doesn't it?

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-02-09T17:27:00

2005-02-09T22:28:45Z

I have so much to say, but so much I'm afraid to even admit to myself.

I've never felt like such scum.

Watched her smile fade away

2005-02-09T21:38:02Z

...

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-02-08T19:22:00

2005-02-09T00:23:55Z

I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind
But you but you
You write such pretty words
But life's no story book
Love is an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt
"Do you like to hurt?"
"I do! I do!"
"Then hurt me."

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-02-08T17:47:00

2005-02-08T22:47:27Z

I'm not mad, and I wish you wouldn't be either.

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-01-30T20:06:00

2005-01-31T01:16:57Z

Hahaha. If only they knew.

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-01-08T20:26:00

2005-01-09T01:27:46Z

Alright, damn it. One of you bitches who doesn't have plans is going with me to goth night at the Brewery. We can go trolling for lesbians/gay guys/the occasional straight person if you wish.

Just someone fucking go with me. Stupid winter formal.

Ride if you need it!

chaotic_hamster @ 2005-01-01T16:49:00

2005-01-01T21:50:35Z

10 Gmail invites free to good homes.

chaotic_hamster @ 2004-12-31T21:39:00

2005-01-01T02:39:48Z

Post which ones fit me best, then put on your lj!

dominant or submissive
logical or intuitive
social or loner
kinky or vanilla
cute or sophisticated
kitten or puppy
warm flannel sheets or sleek satin
leader or follower
quiet or talkative
spontaneous or planned

chaotic_hamster @ 2004-12-27T14:59:00

2004-12-27T20:09:49Z

I should probably post something about this, since people might want to know.

So, Wednesday I get to go to the happy sonogram place to have people take pictures of my ovary. Because apparently, it's kind of fucked. Like tumor/cancer/something that needs surgery fucked. There is a chance that whatever it is will go away on its own...but it's a fairly low chance, considering that it's been messed up and painful for so long.

But it's not deadly, no I won't die, and people shouldn't worry. Just FYI, in case I've been a bit bitchy recently, you know the reason.

I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

On a much gayer note, who's up for Rocky this Friday? Anyone, anyone?

chaotic_hamster @ 2004-12-25T14:49:00

2004-12-25T20:10:00Z

Loot:

Porcelain tea set (six setting, with the pot and sugar and cream and saucers and everything! <3 I sense a tea party coming on...)
Fuzzy sweaters that don't quite fit right (puffy in all the wrong places, but damn comfy)
Books 'a plenty
-The World of Art
-SoUE 4-6
-Something about humanity's stupidity
-And another about the misadventures of famous corpses (interesting,actually)
Fuzzy socks (mmm...socks)
Totoro stamp set (Yey, overpriced merchandise!)
Ticket for AZ
Chibi coming over tomorrow!!! (best present ever <3)

So, Christmas wasn't totally bad this year. Got some cool stuff, and parental units put a bit more thought into it this year. Which is always nice, I like thoughtful things..even if they don't cost much at all. The tea set was really nice. Technically, it's a coffee set (for like demitasse espresso)...but I'm calling it a tea set because I can.

Well, I'm going to go get my ass kicked in chess. Although I do put up a damn good fight.

chaotic_hamster @ 2004-12-17T20:30:00

2004-12-18T01:31:12Z

Fuck it.

chaotic_hamster @ 2004-12-03T22:11:00

2004-12-04T03:12:00Z

At Seventeen
( Janis Ian )

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired

The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth

And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say come dance with me
And murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems
At seventeen

A brown eyed girl in hand me downs
Whose name I never could pronounce
Said, pity please the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve

The rich relationed hometown queen
Married into what she needs
A guarantee of company
And haven for the elderly

Remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
Indebentures of quality
And dubious integrity
Their small town eyes will gape at you
In dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received
At seventeen

To those of us who know the pain
Of valentines that never came
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball

It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
And dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me

We all play the game and when we dare
To cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say, come dance with me
And murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me
At seventeen

chaotic_hamster @ 2004-11-28T23:39:00

2004-11-29T05:02:24Z

I want to go to yoga club for once..but I don't think I'm going to be too awake.

Finally finished articles that were due..forever ago. I hate focus-impairing OCD medication. I like that I stop arranging things...but the total ADHD and narcolepsy are too much to bear. To quote my father, it's "like curing a headache via decapitation."

Speaking of which, *migraine*

I'm getting sushi twice in one week if the plans with Lily on Wednesday and Jason on the weekend work out. Akai Hana in Carrboro, then Waraji. I *heart* sushi, Not just the food, but the environment of tatami rooms and all you can drink green tea. The latter of which I usually take full advantage of. Green tea is probably even more *heart*ed by me than sushi.

I want to have a Bush victory party. There can be a candlelight vigil for all that America stands for, and then we can party like it's 1984.

I hope at least a few people get the reference. If not, I think they must be gnawed upon until they do.

In addition to Wednesday sushi, there will be Jump Little Children with the Lily. It's going to be acoustic too..which will be really nifty. Hopefully it's not like Cure acoustic..where all the beauty is lost in translation. On the 18th, I'm also actually going to Zombie Room, that great industrial/goth dance night at Kings. Last attempt was foiled by the lure of cuddles and a nice, quiet dinner with the Chibi. It's technically 18+, but they said we're allowed to sneak in if we call ahead. Pretty cool, I thinks. I'm looking forward to Velvet Underground, Front 424, Cure, Bauhaus, and the rest of the awesome 80's-90's bands that will be played.

Going to the gym tomorrow at 5 AM. Mom is convinced that we should swim in the new indoor pool every chance we can get. I disagree, because the stairmaster is much more inviting than cold water at 5 in the morning. Plus spandex does not seem like an agreeable material to wake up to. At least I will have time to wake up before I'm supposed to perform at school.

Thinking of getting Netflix. I'm addicted, and dad just cut me off. I need the next disc of Queer as Folk...*twitch*

Random quote of the day (first person to tell me the source wins e-cookies):

"Does this dress make me look like an insomniac?"

Man, that cute leetle kitsune completely overreacts for every mood. Anything remotely not cool, and it goes emo on me. Silly emo fox.

Linger on, your pale blue eyes

2004-11-28T03:57:54Z

So..*update update*

Life has been rather so-so recently. It gets kind of annoying when I start questioning my existence when I'm trying to actually accomplish something. Life, the universe, and everything is not a good thing to think about while attempting to hold a conversation about something that then, in comparison, seems mundane and trivial. Fuck it, I'm going to start actually going to mensa gatherings so I can ramble with people. Mmm...incoherant babbling..

Man, I need something "spiritual" in my life or else I'm going to implode like an unenlightened implosion-prone thing. It's not that I don't have a belief system, but rather it's not something I can openly talk about with most people, and therefore I tend to think of myself as being silly or stupid. I need to start meditating again.. Meditation makes me happy, because it's not any of that funny "Om" stuff for me...just completely and utterly turning myself inside out..if that makes any sense? Bah, it doesn't have to, this LJ is just for me to rant...others can figure it out...if they dare...*bwahaha*

So anyways. Went tofurkey-ing today. It was lots and lots of fun. Wonderful people, and interesting food. I always feel awkward being the youngest in a group. I don't know why it bothers me, but it kind of does. Doesn't seem to get in the way too much, so I suppose it is just my imagination.

Friended the Katie and the Seth on LJ though, because they're pretty nifty people. Actually all of Jason's friends are really awesome...it's just sad that they went off to college before I ever spoke with them. Katie has always seemed like a wonderful person and Seth has libertarian socialism on his interests list. So cool.

Random thought patterns...articulateyness...leaving...must...stop writing before I make a total fool out of myself, I think.